7/19/09
If I know that I’ll die in 6 months, what would I want to do? Nothing (except quitting my job). I feel that I have reached the peak of my life, and I’d have no regrets leaving this world.
There are talks about the end of the world. I wonder what’s it would be like. Are we going to die quickly or painfully slowly? If it’s the latter, would I have the courage to end it sooner? Something to ponder.
Ever wonder that you are yet to be discovered? Some people believe in soulmate. I believe in innate talent. I believe that there must be something I’m great at (yes, great, not just good), but I haven’t found it yet. I may die never knowing what my real talent is, but I’ll keep searching for it.
7/26/09
Many people think of investing in their children as investing in financial stocks – it can pay for your retirement or it can leave you empty-handed.
The rich worry about where to put their money. They lose sleep thinking about this stock-market crash or that bank default. The poor have no such worries…a blessing in disguise.
I don’t understand why people care about their funeral. What are they afraid of? Not being buried? I live responsibly, but I have no reason to carry on that stupid rule once I’m dead. So, you don’t want to bury me because I have no money? Fine. I’ll stink the whole neighborhood up. Someone needs to deal with this eventually. That someone is not me. I’m dead! What else do you want from me?
Indebtness is the concept that should be thrown out of the window, along with the people who cultivate it. I don’t owe the world anything, and the world owes me nothing. I didn’t ask to be born, and no one asks me to continue living. So there! If we all believe that we are debt-free, the world would be a happier place. I do something for you because I want to, out of the goodness of my heart or out of a whim or whatever, not because I owe you something or want you to repay me later. Wouldn’t that be more fun?
11/15/09
“Never underestimate the power of someone believing in you,” that’s a punchline of some TV commercial. Sounds cliche, but I just realize how true that statement is due to some recent personal experience. Try it. Believe in people. Then maybe they’ll start believing in themselves.
Why do people feel the need to ask you about your pets’ health every time they see you? Maybe I read too much into this, but “How are your cats?” is not exactly a flattering greeting. While I appreciate that someone seems to care about my pets, the question itself implies that I’m a loser who have no one in my life but my cats. Not that I care what other people think, but it says something about the lack of sensitivity on the other person’s part. My favorite comes from my mom: “Maybe I should visit you again. I miss the cats.” And you don’t miss me? Hmmm…
11/16/09
“I don’t care much for money. Money can’t buy me love”, said the Beatles. If you know me at all, that’s something I’d say. On the other hand, I also understand the value of money, and the pain and suffering caused by the lack of it. Sure, money can’t buy you love, but you don’t live on love alone. To me, money is like air or water. It’s a necessity and nothing more. I only need enough of it. I don’t care for more. (Actually, I can, and will, take more, but that doesn’t add much to my life). The question is, how much is enough? It’s really a personal thing. For some people, it’s never enough. I feel sorry for those people. I really do. They never feel satisfied. I feel that I’ve had enough. Most people would laugh at me if they know about my definition of “enough”. That’s fine. As far as my life is concerned, I alone matter after all.
12/13/09
Herman Hesse claimed in one of his novels that soft is stronger than hard, just like water is stronger than rocks. That’s is so true. Rocks can cause some damage, but water, which appears so harmless, can cause far more damage. Lao Tzu had similar philosophy. Beside the water analogy, he used the bamboo analogy. Bamboo is popular in Asia, and it’s a fascinating plant. It’s flexible but enduring and strong. It’s strong (not easily breakable) precisely because it’s flexible and yielding. The same principle applies when you deal with people. If you are tough, people will do what you tell them to do. On the other hand, if you are soft, people will go the extra mile for you. Which is better? The answer is obvious. It always amazes me how many people don’t get this simple principle. I guess I just take this for granted because I’m being manipulative by nature!
1/3/10
Do you know why people believe in God or karma or some form of supernatural power? It’s because of their hatred for certain people. Have you ever had someone in your life you hate so much that you want them punished somehow? If you don’t know what I’m talking about, then you are a saint. I know most of you are not. Anyway, being small and weak and basically a wimp, I can’t hurt anybody. Besides, it would be too much trouble to get my hands dirty or go to jail. So, my way to releasing all my anger and hatred is to believe strongly that evil will be punished, by God or some sort of supernatural power. Pathetic, I know. But what can you do? Think about it. The whole concept of justice is based on this simple rule: you get what you deserve, eventually. The “eventually” is what gets people, since it may mean “tomorrow” or “not in your lifetime.” That’s why many people believe in the afterlife – to continue with the crime and punishment business. Even if none of this is real, it gives us comfort to “know” that justice will be served, eventually.
1/10/10
What’s the most conforting thought that you have? To me it’s the thought that we all die one day. Sounds morbid at first, but if you really think about it, what’s is more comforting than that? Let’s say you are upset about flunking your important exam or screwing up at work. You feel like it’s the end of the world. Then you start asking yourself: “Is this really that important? Will anyone care about this 5 years from now? 10 years from now? 100 years from now? Oh wait, I’ll be dead by then. All the people I know will be dead by then. So, who cares?” Do you see the thought process? No matter how big your problem is, you can always calm yourself down by thinking about death. After all, what’s more serious than death? Thinking about it makes everything else seem trivial. That’s what they call perspective, more or less.
2/14/10
Wisdom and knowledge are two different things. Knowledge is what you learn from school, from reading books, from taking lessons from someone else. Wisdom is what you learn from life, through personal experience, and sometimes from instinct. For example, when I was in fifth grade, there was a bully who liked to scare fellow students with his endless tricks. One day he brought to class a snake. Everybody was screaming and running for his or her life, and the bully showed no sign of toning his outlandish act down. The more the students screamed, the more aggressive the bully got. There was one student who did not seem to notice the commotion. She sat upright in her seat, intensely focused on the book in front of her. Seeing this, the bully put the snake right next to her. No reaction. The student didn’t look up from her studying. After a couple of minutes, the bully got bored and took the snake with him to scare somebody else.
I was that student. I was scared to death, but I knew that showing any sign of fear would worsen the situation. I also knew that the snake was harmless (otherwise the bully wouldn’t dare handling it himself). This piece of logic helped me a little bit, but not much. The irrational fear was overwhelming. Still, I managed to keep my composure. Thinking back, I’m still amazed by the wisdom a 10 year-old like me could have. I had no knowledge whatsoever of wars, politics, psychology or the philosophy of human nature and human behaviours. And yet, I knew instinctively how to survive in a “war zone”. I can only attribute this to a survival instinct that I was born with. Nevertheless, this was one of the proudest victories of my life.
3/27/10
What’s important to you? For me, it’s keeping promises. When I give you my word, I keep it. I expect the same of everybody. Maybe I’m uptight, but how can you build trust if you can’t rely on someone to keep his or her word? If you don’t have trust, you don’t have relationships. Without relationships, you can’t function as a social creature, which most human being are. There is no such thing as an unimportant promise. Every promise is important.
I may have mentioned this story somewhere else already, but it’s worth repeating. When I was a teenager, I had in my possesion some magazine. One day my dad’s friend saw the magazine and borrowed it from me. He never returned it. I was upset, really upset. I didn’t know why I was so upset over some stupid magazine, which I was not that attached to. Another of my dad’s friends even offered me another copy of that same magazine, but I refused to take it. I wanted my magazine. Later I realized that it was not the lost magazine that I was upset about. I was upset over a broken promise. He promised to return the magazine to me, but he didn’t. It was a big deal. It is still a big deal to me when someone fails to deliver on his or her promise. I’m not perfect either, but I make a point not to take it lightly every time I give someone my word.
11/7/10
I think I would make a terrible psychologist. I can imagine someone coming to me and telling me how sad her life is and how she wants to kill herself. I would listen to her for awhile, and then I’d tell her to go ahead and kill herself! The world would be better off without those sad, pathetic people. Do you think people in poor countries have time for depression or money for thepary? No. Everyday they work their ass off in order to feed themselves and their family. If you are acting crazy, then they throw you in the mental hospital. Case closed. If you are simply sad because you feel inferior to others or your life is not what you expect it to be, then get over it. The cure for this is a real kick in the ass. This will cost a lot less than sessions with a shrink.
11/24/10
What pops in your head when you wake up in the morning? Your dream? The day ahead? What happened the night before? For most days, I wake up with hope. Hope that I will have a good day. Hope that I’ll be happy, or I’ll make someone happy. Hope that life will be good. Hope that life will not be so boring.
But some days, I wake up and wonder why the hell I am here! There is nothing to look forward to. Life is an endless stream of misery and hopelessness, where one longs for the sweet relief of death. I read somewhere that you need a reason to wake up everyday. That is true. Even on hellish days like this, I still have a reason to wake up: FEAR. The fear that you will be punished for not being “responsible” (i.e. going to work, going to school, or whatnot). I’m thinking that one day I won’t have a reason to wake up. That will be the day I die, or go crazy, whichever comes first.
12/13/10
The world is changing, and it’s changing for the worse. That’s what I’ve been hearing lately. Everywhere. At work. On TV. On the street. People are all worried and get all worked up about their life, their job, their future. For some reason I feel very calm, almost apathetic. It’s not that I don’t care. It’s just that it’s pointless to get worked up about the unknown. Que sera sera. I’ll get worried when I know something is really happening. Right now, all I can do is to prepare myself for any unexpected events that may happen in life. What’s the best way to prepare? For me, the most important thing is to maintain composure and to know that there’s a solution to every problem in life. Even if I can’t find the solution to whatever problem I have, so what? Will it matter in the end? Nothing will. I have a very simple belief. The belief that I am strong enough to face any challenge thrown at me. Somehow it can’t be otherwise. It’s almost like the rule of the universe. Your cross can’t be heavier than your strength. It may be naive of me to believe so. But it has been working for me so far. I have no reason to doubt it.
12/16/10
It’s getting cold here. While driving home tonight, I suddenly felt sorry for the deers, the squirrels, and all the wild animals out there. Winter is tough on them. No food. No shelter. Nature is cruel. I don’t know if animals suffer like we do. Maybe they just accept their fate. Physical pains usually stop at some point…then you die. Most of the suffering comes from anticipation, emotions, thoughts, etc. That is, they are mental conditions, not physical. Animals presumably don’t have those, so perhaps they don’t suffer as much as we do. Still, the whole thing makes me sad. That’s another feeling we human beings are cursed to have.
12/17/10
Do you know who your real friends are? What is a real friend? Someone who backs you up no matter what. Here’s a mind exercise: Imagine that you are acused of murder (wrongfully or not). Who do you think would stick by you and declare your innocence? Not so many, I’d expect. When doing this exercise, I could only think of a couple of people (non-family) who would be willing to attest to my character and stand behind me no matter what. I see that most would stay silent, and a few would speak out against me (even though they are my “friends” now). Of course, people can surprise you. You’ll need to really go through it to know for sure (hmm, how to get myself accused of murder?). Anyway, the point is, you can use this mental test to figure out how many real friends you actually have. It doesn’t change anything. At least it doesn’t change my behaviors towards others. It does, however, keep me grounded and realistic about my situation and the human condition in general.
1/27/11
My new outlook on life: “Don’t try too hard”. In my experience, trying too hard usually backfire. For example, if you try too hard to impress someone, either it’s a date or a new boss, you’d come across as pretentious and disingenuous. Fortunately, I don’t care enough about anyone to try to impress them. My problem, however, is that I tend to try too hard to make people happy. It’s not that I care about them. It’s just that, for some strange reason, I believe it’s my duty as a human being to make other human beings around me happy. And when they are not happy, they rarely are, I somehow feel responsible. This is crazy, isn’t it? Most of the time one’s beliefs are not very rational. That’s why they are called beliefs. However, as a rational creature, I question my beliefs once in a while and reason myself out of the most ridiculous of them, like this belief that I have a duty to make others happy. The truth is, you can’t make people happy. Happiness is a state of mind. It’s internal, not external. If people choose to be unhappy, let them. They are unhappy because they are jealous, self-pity, negative people. If I try to please them, they’ll get even more jealous, self-pity, and negative. They are losers, and that’s their own choice. I’d say to hell with them. Don’t let negative keep you down. You are entitled to your happiness, just like some people are entitled to their unhappiness.
2/7/11
As I was reading Cosmo’s interview of stand-up comedian Amy Schumer (don’t know who she is), it occurred to me that I should consider changing my way of thinking. Schumer said that every time she was rejected (by a guy or an audition), she never thought “What’s wrong with me?” but “What’s wrong with you?” instead. Her secret to being confident is “not to give a shit what anyone thinks of me”. This is something I can learn from. Sometimes I care too much about what everyone thinks of me. That’s what they call “thin-skinned”. Every time someone I interact with looks upset, I immediately wonder: “What did I do wrong to upset her?” Well, maybe nothing. Maybe she just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. Maybe she just had a fight with her husband. Maybe she’s just a bitch. Who knows? Why do I care? Even if I’m the source of her unhappiness, that’s her problem, not mine. We discussed this before. While I know that being oblivious to others’ opinion of you will not help you in your life (since we need other people to survive), I think I’m on the other extreme in a sense that I think almost everything bad that happens is my fault. I need to move to the other extreme to balance things out. So from now on, I’m going to blame other people for whatever problem what happens to them!
2/19/11
I just got a letter from my sponsored child (her mother wrote it since she’s not old enough to write) thanking me for the birthday and Christmas cards I sent her. Included in the letter was a picture of an 8 year-old girl, smiling happily and innocently. That brought tears, happy tears, to my eyes. I didn’t give her much, just less than a dollar a day. That money doesn’t even go to her directly. It goes to her community, which helps improve the life of the children there. This makes me think that happiness is all relative. Those poor people find happiness in the little things that people do for them. They are just grateful that someone cares. Here in this great country I find myself surrounded by unhappy people. They have everything money could buy, but they feel empty. They constantly whine about how life sucks, how they don’t get their way, how better their neighbor’s life is. I just thought of a cure for depression: Throw all the depressed people in jail. Deprive them of their material possessions. Make them work, really work, to earn their daily bread. Tell them that their days are numbered unless they stop whining. We’ll see what we get after a year. I bet most of them would come out of jail more appreciative of what they’ve got. Of course, some may kill themselves. But that’s OK. It’s probably better that way, for them and for society. Now, I’m not minimizing the so-called clinically depressed cases, but I think those cases are few and far in between. The rest of the depressed cases are just an excuse to avoid taking control of one’s own life. It’s a by-product of the entitlement mentality, the me-ism philosophy where self-sacrifice and altruism are unheard of. I can think of a thousand reasons why I should feel sorry for myself and why I deserve a better life. On the other hand, I can also think of a thousand reasons to be grateful for what I’ve got, to count my blessings and not compare myself to others. It’s all about perspective, and perspective is not something someone can give you or can take away from you.
2/21/11
If there’s one advice I’d give to someone who just starts out in life (beside don’t ask me for advice on depression), that would be “don’t be jealous of others’ success”. Jealousy is a destructive quality. It consumes you, and in the end you are the only person who gets hurt by it. In my favorite childhood story, “Journey to the West”, there was one chapter devoted to this topic. When Tam Tang, the traveling monk, stopped by a pagoda to rest overnight, one of his disciples made a mistake of showing off Tam Tang’s garments (some kind of fancy gift from the Budha himself) to the host monk. This monk was so jealous of Tam Tang’s possession that he stayed up all night moping about it. He finally came up with some plan to kill Tam Tang and steal the garments. He ended up being killed by the fire he started himself. If you think this is silly, not so fast. Real people do far more silly things than this. They are blinded by jealousy. I know because I’ve been there. I’m not so proud of those moments. To be jealous of others is a loser’s attitude. It’s the attitude that everything in life is against you, and that somehow someone is just more lucky than you are. Have you ever thought that maybe someone is successful because he’s done something right, and you should learn from him if you want to succeed too? That’s a winner’s attitude – the attitude that everyone can get a share of the big pie if he or she works for it. You don’t have to take away someone’s piece of pie, or piss on it if you don’t get your way. Be mindful of your own business, and success will come in due time.
3/16/11
I left work today at 7 p.m., and it was still bright outside. This made me happy. I always prefer daylight to darkness, but sometimes I surprise even myself by being happy over something that simple. I guess it’s all about expectation. I expected darkness but got daylight instead, and that put me in a good mood. I’m a happy person in general. I guess that’s because I don’t expect much of anything. Some people say if you expect more, you get more. That may be true, but you also get disappointed more. In my experience, I don’t see a lot of demanding people being happy and satisfied with their life. Perhaps it’s true that I don’t get what I truly deserve because I don’t ask for much, but so what? I get happiness, which is the most one could ask out of life.
3/18/11
Nothing in life is worth waiting for. That’s my conclusion. If someone tells you that you should be patient, they are just stalling, stringing you along, or up to no good. I know of one couple who waited for each other for 30 years. They met in high-school, then he went abroad for college. Due to political turmoil, they were apart that way for 30 years until she was finally allowed to move to where he was. Romantic, right? Wrong! They were just a couple of unhappy, middle-aged people who had little in common. They should have married other people 30 years ago instead of wasting all that time. For what? Nothing, apparently. Even if they were happy in the end, it wouldn’t be worth it. Their lives were almost over. Take another example. If your boss tells you that she has a you in mind for a promotion, but you have to wait for it because you are not ready, or she is not ready or whatnot. If you can’t do any better, go ahead and wait. But don’t hold your breath. Someone either believes in you or doesn’t. If she believes in you, she’ll give you what you deserve, right now. If she doesn’t, she never will. People who make you wait are people who can’t make up their mind but are too selfish to let others go. They procrastinate, and they make everyone around them wait for nothing. Don’t fall for that. Your time on Earth is really short, so make the best of it. Nothing, no matter how good, is worth the wait. And anyone who asks you to wait is not worthy of your love, trust, or respect.
3/29/11
Everyone should ask himself or herself this question periodically: “Is the world better off with me or without me?” Sounds self-centered, doesn’t it? Yeah, who cares about you? The world doesn’t revolve around you. No, I’m not talking about saving the world. I do believe, however, that, whether you want to be here or not, by the time you leave this world, you should leave a net positive impact on it. It doesn’t have to be big. If you make a difference in one person’s life, you make a difference in the world, and you leave a positive impact on it. But why should I care? Because living a life of a bum, a free-loader, or a deadweight, is no way to live. Adding value is a very basic human need, the need to feel dignified and respected. That’s why people (most people anyway) spend most of their life looking for meaning and purpose. Maybe you don’t need to do something grand, just take small steps. Think about what you do or say everyday that improves the world around you. Live so that at the end of your life, you can look back and say “I haven’t done anything really great in my life, but at least I didn’t totally suck.”
9/5/11
Are you in a rut? As someone who used to be in a rut a lot, I can tell you that it’s not hopeless. I’m the type of person who despises routines. This is probably why I start a lot of things but never finish them, since everything turns tedious if you spend enough time with it. I used to look at this as a negative personality trait. You don’t get anywhere by giving up too early. However, the law of yin and yang states that everything has a negative side and a positive side to it (I’m making this up, obviously). The positive side to being bored too easily is the infusion of energy I get when I start something new. I consider myself a very low-energy person, but there are times when I’m surprised by my burst of energy. It’s a great feeling.
What even greater is that you have control over your energy level. For me, knowing that new adventures give me energy, I try hard to venture out, to explore outside of my comfort zone. This is easier said than done. I’m a very risk-adverse person. I don’t want to fail. I don’t try something unless I have a high-degree of confidence that I’d succeed. That was the dilemma that caused me to fall into a rut often before. Now that I get older, I realize that life is too short to be too cautious. I’ve also learned not to take myself too seriously. So what if I fall on my face once in awhile? Just laugh it off and try again. I’ve learned that if you laugh at yourself, people will laugh with you. Everybody will have a good time, and then you can move on. I’ve also learned that if you are willing to try new things without worrying about failing, you tend to succeed anyway. Why? Because everybody has it in him or her to do great things. He or she just needs to focus. If you get distracted by your own thoughts about failing or losing, you can’t focus. It’s like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
So, go ahead and try new things. Get out of your comfort zone. You can do it. Even if you can’t, you’ll have fun. And the world will have fun with you.
9/7/11
Do you believe that everything that happens, happens for a reason? I do. That’s how I cope, I guess. I can’t say I have a very stressful life. I think part of it is just pure luck, but part of it is my attitude. It’s not always easy. I’m a passionate creature. When I want something, I want it badly. Sometimes I get what I want, and sometimes I don’t. When I don’t, it feels like the end of the world. This is where I practice self-control. I don’t consider myself a religious person, but I have an almost child-like belief that someone “up there” is taking care of me. If I don’t get what I want, it’s probably for the best. Sometimes we don’t know what’s good for us until after the fact. Wouldn’t it be nice to have someone looking out for us, someone who knows better? That’s is why I don’t get worked up about stuff. It’s not that I don’t care. I just let things take their course. In life you can only try your best. Things don’t always turn out the way you want them to. And when they don’t, you should have the wisdom to realize that maybe you are better off that way.
9/26/11
I think I said somewhere here that I believe in karma. I do. However, people who rely exclusively on karma to get back at their abusers/oppressors are losers. Sure, karma will get the bad guys eventually, but I want to get them now. When I feel powerless, I’d take comfort in karma and the supernatural. The rest of the time, I take comfort in ass-kicking. If you tell me the best revenge is to live well. I agree. I live well, but that doesn’t mean I can’t kick ass. In fact, ass-kicking is part of living well. Why? Because if you live like a doormat, you have no respect for yourself. You either loath yourself or pity yourself, or both. On the other hand, if you stand up for yourself, you know your worth. You have courage, and you have principles. That’s is what I call living well. If everybody learns how to kick ass once in a while, the world would be a happier place.
9/28/11
“Always do your best. You never know who’s watching.” That was the advice someone gave me, and truer words have never been spoken. Doing my best has served my well, in school, in my career, and in life in general. I always consider myself lucky, but there’s no such thing as pure luck. As they say, luck is when preparation meets opportunities. Most people associate luck with the latter, but they tend to forget about the former. Without preparation, nothing comes to fruition, no matter how many opportunities you get. I have no sympathy for people who try to get out of work all their life, and then complain about their dead-end job. It never occurs to them that maybe they are stuck in a dead-end job because they choose to be dead-beats. You don’t get paid good money for just showing up and breathing. Most people think they are underpaid. The truth is, they are underworked. So, it’s fair, really. I don’t deny that there are people who work hard and deserve better pay. Those people don’t stay underpaid for long, though. Their good work will pay off eventually. On the other hand, people who are consistently underpaid are probably paid fairly, relative to their contribution.
10/10/11
What’s in a face? Everything. My favorite past-time is people analysis, and the first step in analyzing people is looking at their face and reading the stories written on it. If you ask me how to go about doing this, I can’t tell you how. I guess I’ve been looking at faces for years that this has become second nature to me. I don’t boast very often, but I can honestly say that I’m a good judge of people. I don’t recall making a mistake when it comes to people, and most of the time my opinion of someone is formed during the first encounter. Why so quick in judgment? It’s because almost everything you need to know about a person is written on his or her face. You don’t need to go deeper to form judgment. You may think I’m awfully careless in handling such a serious task. Think what you like. The way I see it, I don’t have time to hang out with the wrong crowd. The sooner I make up mind my on who I should form association with, the more time I have to spend with people whose company I enjoy. When it comes to people, there is no room for mistakes, and there is no time for indecision.
10/30/11
Are women crazy? Well, there’s no reason craziness should be a female trait. Men are crazy in their own way. However, I’m talking about the irrational thoughts or behaviors that are, I feel, unique to women. I guess it’s not correct to lump all women into one category since some women are like men, whatever that means. So, let’s call what I’m about to describe “feminine” traits. OK, enough of that. What are some of the feminine traits? For one, the ambivalence of feelings. A simple way to describe this is that you don’t know what the heck you want, from yourself or from others. For example, when you break up with someone to move on with your life, you want the soon-to-be-ex to move on and be happy as well. But at the same time, you don’t want to. If that person moves on too quickly or looks too happy, you get upset (for reasons unknown to you). On the other hand, if that person remains miserable and pine after you, you feel guilty and upset. So, what’s the poor thing supposed to do? There’s no right answer to this. You are upset regardless, and you can’t explain why. Another “crazy” feminine trait is martyrdom. You care about people – your family, your friends, your co-workers, your neighbors, strangers, everybody. You give and give and give. Then, one day you have a breakdown. I HAVE NOTHING LEFT TO GIVE. I NEED TO BE TAKEN CARED OF ONCE IN AWHILE TOO. I’M EXHAUSTED. YOU ALL CAN GO TO HELL! Yeah, very unhealthy, but insanity is never healthy. What are the alternatives? Well, you can try out the masculine traits. They can be summarized in one short sentence: “Me first, and then others.” No martyrdom. No I-am-upset-because-you-are-unhappy-or-happy-or-whatnot. In the male world, others barely exist, or matter.
11/1/11
How many times have you heard someone says that he or she doesn’t feel appreciated? I hear it all the time, including from myself. Why is it? It’s because we are hopeless creatures whose happiness depends on others’ approval. That’s why we have pets. Cats and dogs are much more reliable than people when it comes to giving you undivided attention and unconditional love. They don’t bite the hands that feed them (unless they go insane). People are the worst kind. People are ungrateful, selfish, and full of themselves. No matter how much care or love you give them, they’ll forget you the moment someone or something better comes along. Has something happened to me recently, you may wonder? Not really. I’m just pondering about the human condition. We are miserable creatures. We don’t appreciate each other, and we always long for some appreciation. Here’s an idea. Let’s appreciate ourselves. Pat yourself in the back. If every one of us learns to appreciate himself or herself, everybody will feel appreciated after all. Don’t rely on others to give you approval. You know yourself best, and only you can truly appreciate and approve of yourself. If you still don’t feel appreciated enough, get a pet, or many of them.
11/3/11
Greeting cards, a dying breed. That’s today’s topic. Some people have never believed in sending or receiving greeting cards. For the majority of people who believe in greeting cards, they use eCards nowadays. When it comes to sentimental crap like this, I’m quite old-fashion. To me, eCards can never replace paper cards. It’s spam, another email that I’d delete before reading. I also don’t like cards that say nothing. What’s the point? If you have nothing to say, why send someone a card? Nobody asks you or points a gun at your head. When I send a card to someone, I put a lot of thought into it. That someone must be very special to me, otherwise I wouldn’t send him or her a card. If the person is special to me, of course I have a lot of thoughtful things to say. I also love to receive cards. In fact, I prefer a card to an expensive gift. It’s always the thought that counts, not the money. Money doesn’t last, but a kind gesture lasts forever in someone’s heart. Call me a hopeless sentimentalist, but I keep a box full of old greeting cards that people sent me over the years. I go through them sometimes to walk down memory lane, to smile at some happy thoughts that someone shared in those cards. It’s priceless.
11/5/11
Sherlock Holmes called himself a real-life dramatist. Whenever he solved a big case, he loved to spring it onto people in a dramatic way instead of simply telling them all the tedious facts. Of course Sherlock Holmes was a fictional character, but I’d like to think of myself as a real-life dramatist as well. When I look at people, I see them as who they could be instead of who they actually are. For example, if someone does something thoughtful for me, I’d think of him or her as the most thoughtful person in the world. Similarly, if someone acts like a jerk once, he or she would belong in jerkville forever, in my mind. Another example: Whenever I write something (a letter to a friend or an essay) or say something, I expect some sort of strong reaction (laugh, cry, impressed, moved, outraged, etc.). If I don’t get a strong reaction out of people, I’d consider my speech or essay a failure. I don’t crave attention. I crave reaction. I like to stir things up. I love creating an impact. That’s because I’m a passionate creature. Impassionate people drive me nuts! To me, impassion is akin to not caring, and that doesn’t sit well with me.
11/14/11
Neurotic is not something I would use to describe myself (although in my line of work I deal with a lot of those people). However, I can be neurotic sometimes. For example, I once spent weeks picking out a
Christmas gift (for someone who probably didn’t care what I gave him); I also spent least a week thinking about what to write in a greeting card. It’s to the point of obsession. On the other hand, I normally don’t care about how I look or what others think of me. I don’t spend a lot of time primming or polishing my conversational skills. I’m all about being myself, being genuine. So, my neurotic behaviors puzzle even myself. Why do I care so much about some casual Christmas gift or a greeting card? I guess it has to do with the axiom “It’s the thought that counts”. As I mentioned before, I don’t give gifts or cards just to go through the motions. When it comes to gift giving, I don’t go through the motions or doing it out of obligation. One should never give gifts out of obligation (except, of course, in the case of children). It defeats the purpose. Anyway, when I give someone a gift, it means something. The gift itself is not important, but the thought behind it is. That’s why I spend so much time thinking about what the person would like as a gift. Anything less than “perfect” is not acceptable. I know this is not rational because there’s no way I can find the perfect gift for someone, and that someone mostly likely doesn’t care what gift I give him or her. Of course it’s irrational. If it’s rational, I wouldn’t call it neurotic behavior. So, do I need medication for this? Not really. I like being crazy once in awhile. There’s nothing more boring than being normal. I’m pretty normal by any standard, so I need some craziness in my life to spice things up.
11/19/11
Some people told me that I don’t appear to be serious about anything. They may be right. Is there anything wrong with that? Let me rephrase. What’s so good about being serious? Most people would say that it’s good because it takes care of business. When you get serious about something, you get it done, and done well. Fair enough. So, the question is, if I get things done without being serious about them, is it still acceptable? Most reasonable people would say yes. That’s just it. I get things done by not taking them seriously. I’m wired that way. Let me clarify. I’m not a clown. Far from it. I have a very serious demeanor. However, deep down, I don’t take anything seriously. This is not a phase. It’s a philosophy. If you contemplate matters of life and death on a daily basis, it’s hard to take your mundane tasks seriously. This doesn’t mean that you don’t care about your daily tasks. You can still carry your business out with care and diligence, but you just learn to put things in perspective. That is, if things don’t work out the way you planned, you don’t get bent out of shape about it. You deal with it. You work on the alternatives. That’s how I manage stress. Learning not to taking things seriously can significantly reduce stress. At least this works for me. You do whatever you need to do to keep your sanity.
11/23/11
When you think of holidays, what are the things that come to mind? No work, which is nice. What else? Family get-together, which is usually the case. And? Eat, which is the main goal of any get-together. Think about it. In almost any culture, holidays are all about eating. Thanksgiving, eat. Christmas, eat. New year, eat. You get the idea. In fact, eating is not limited to the holidays. We eat at weddings, funerals, birthdays, showers…No wonder we have a weight control problem as a society. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not against eating. Like I said, almost all cultures are big on eating (some don’t have enough to eat, but that’s a different issue), but not all cultures have the overweight problem. The problem with rich societies like ours is that we eat, but we are also spoiled in other ways. The poor eat, but they get off their ass afterward to work and play, which usually involve a lot of physical activities. We eat, then we watch TV with a remote, then we sit on our ass all day working on a computer, then we play video games and socialize online. Not exactly the picture of a healthy lifestyle. What’s the point of this discussion? There’s no point really. I’m just rambling on about random observations.
11/27/11
It’s Christmas time, so most of the commercials on TV are about shopping and gift giving (including charity donations). Now, I’m a sucker for charity commercials. In fact, I actually started all my charity donations as a result of some TV commercials. However, I think there are way too many organizations out there asking for money. This reminds me of the entitlement mentality that so many of us are accustomed to. What happened to “it’s better to give than to receive?” If we all believe that, why are there so many of us on the receiving end? I understand that we are all a little poorer due to the economy and all that, but we should learn to live within our means, not asking for handouts every chance we get. I do believe in charity because some of us desperately need help, despite the fact that they try very hard to take care of themselves. That said, we need to be able to tell the difference between “want” and “need”. One is luxury. The other is necessity. When it comes to the latter, there’s no debate. We need to help those in need. On the other hand, so many of us are asking for the former, which we should learn to live without if we can’t afford it. I know I’m going take a lot of heat for saying this, but the commercials about toys for poor kids don’t do anything for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for doing everything in my power to make kids happy, including donating toys. However, will getting the toys they want make them happy? If you give a kid a toy he wants, he’ll be happy for a day or two. Then he’ll want another toy. If he gets that toy, he’ll be happy for another few days. This will continue until he won’t get what he wants, then he’ll be unhappy again. This is not a long-term solution. Instead, the long-term solution to unhappiness that I want to propose is to teach kids to be content with what they have. Don’t have a toy? Make one. This encourages creativity as well. When I was a kid, my siblings and I had no store-bought toys. We made our own toys and games, and we were just as happy as the rich kids, if not more. By teaching kids core values such as self-reliance, personal sacrifice, and self-made happiness, we build a future society where people learn to take care of themselves and those around them without comparing themselves to others. If you compare yourself to others, you will never be happy, since someone somewhere is always doing better than you are. And no amount of money or toys will make you any happier.
12/10/11
Ever heard of the word frenemy? Frenemy is someone who is your enemy but acts like your friend. I have a couple of those. They are remarkably similar. They are friends who can’t be happy for you when you succeed because they are insanely jealous of you. In my case, every time I do well at work, my frenemies attack me by showing “fake” concerns such as “you should have a work-life balance” or “you shouldn’t sacrifice your personal life for your career”, implying that my single status is the result of me chosing a career over a traditional family life. First of all, there are many reasons a person chooses to be single or married, none of which is anyone else’s business. Secondly, just because someone is successful at work doesn’t mean he or she doesn’t have a life outside of work, and vice versa. Finally, if you are a real friend, you support your friend no matter what, in good times and good bad times. You don’t judge. You don’t impose. For what it’s worth, I would never sacrifice my well-being for a career. And I’ve never had to make that choice. But, there’s no point convincing those jealous blockheads that this is the case. They are not interested in my well-being. They just fake concerns to attack me. The irony of this is that both of my frenemies are miserable at home. Their excuse for sucking at work is “spending more time with their family”. Well, it doesn’t sound like it’s time well-spent, if you ask me. Maybe their family needs a break from them as well! In my personal experience, people who are happy at home tend to do well at work, and vice versa. This actually makes sense because doing well has to do with your attitude and your perspective, not how much time or money you spend. Whether it’s work or home, the same principles apply. Anyway, I used to be hurt by the attacks my frenemies threw at me. Now I just feel sorry for them. I really do. Happy people don’t attack others. Only miserable people do, and they desperately need our sympathy and compassion. Like my dad often says, “When someone attacks you and you forgive him or her, you show your strength, for only the strong have the will-power to control themselves.”
12/15/11
If you know me, you know I have no sense of direction (literally, of course, since figuratively I always know where I’m going). I get lost a lot. One time I was so lost that I had to rely on the kindness of strangers to get me home (this was before GPS time). I used to be upset and scared every time I got lost. Then I realized that I should learn to cheerfully accept this personal deficiency of mine (hey, even I am not perfect!). Now, every time I get lost, I view it as an adventure, a chance to go somewhere you haven’t gone before. Who knows? I might accidentally discover some cool place, just like Columbus discovered America! Think about it, life is too short to live your days as planned. Take chances. Wander around. Enjoy the (pointless) journey. What about being late to some important appointment if you get lost? I’m not late to anything. I either give myself plenty of time to get lost, er, I mean, to get there, or, if the appointment is important enough, I’d do a dry run before the real appointment. You may think I’m wasting my time, and my life, going to places multiple times unnecessarily. My response is that you are wasting your life as much doing other pointless things. The point is, everything in life is pointless. At least my pointless errands bring me joy. Do yours?
1/1/12
Today is the first day of 2012, or just another day. I’ve lived long enough to know that no particular day is special. Or rather, every day is special, depending on how you look at it. Certain philosophies, such as Zen, advocate that we should live every single day as if it’s our last. This is a good idea. This doesn’t mean that you should live like there’s no tomorrow (i.e. not planning for the future). This means that we should cherish our time on earth as long as we are here, which is short. I guess I think about death a lot growing up. This is partly due to my Catholic upbringing and partly due to my philosopher father. I’ve always hoped that, when the time comes, I’d go quickly and peacefully, preferrably in my sleep. There’s a school of thought which believes that to die a slow death is a blessing, since that allows one to reflect on one’s past. That may be true, but I don’t need to wait until the end of my life to reflect on it. In fact, I try to do some self-reflection every day. Doing this keep me on the right track. That’s why I don’t need any warning. I’m ready to leave this world at any moment. I love my time here, but I know it’s short. Therefore, I try to make the best of it every day.
1/5/12
What distinguishes successful people from the rest in society? Judgment. Judgment is what makes or breaks a person. In a civilized society, intelligence accounts for only a small part of one’s success. The rest is good judgment. I’ve seen many extreme intelligent people fail miserably and have no idea why. Most of the time it’s due to their lack of good judgment, and, hence, can’t be trusted to make important decisions. So, how does one have good judgment? Experience, observation, and sensitivity. Experience is the most obvious answer. Like Oscar Wilde said, “Experience is the name everyone gives to their mistakes.” You do something stupid (due to poor judgment). You get burned. You learn not to do it again. Simple, right? But, unless you are immortal, there isn’t enough time to learn everything through trial and error. That’s why you need observation. You observe how the world works, then you behave accordingly. For example, when you hear screaming and smell burning flesh as a direct result of someone putting his hand on a hot plate, you know not to do that yourself. If you are observant, you can learn a lot without experiencing everything yourself. Finally, effective observation requires sensitivity. If you are not sensitive, you can’t observe the subtle behaviors and their consequences, and most meaningful human interactions are subtle. Take a very simple action that most of us do everyday: emailing. I can always tell good judgment from poor judgment from a single email. What or who you include in an email message tells a lot about you. It’s not so much the content of the message or the audience alone. It’s the whole package, and it’s hard to disect. But I’m sure you know what I’m talking about, if you have good judgment!
1/13/12
Are you superstitious about Friday the 13th? I’m not. It’s usually a non-event kind of day for me. Something happened this morning that got me thinking, though. I was driving on a multi-lane highway and was on the far-left lane. The traffic was not that heavy on the left lanes, since that was the section where everybody wants to exit (on the right). Anyway, as I was driving and minding my own business, I saw an SUV going at its top speed from all the way on the right lane to the left. The idiot made multiple lane changes really quickly, without looking or signalling. Apparently, he/she didn’t see me. I had very little time to react (couldn’t even honk). I couldn’t slow down because the SUV was almost parallel to my car and was invading my lane. I sped up as much as I could to (barely) escape an accident. I haven’t had such a close encounter for awhile. I was a little upset, but I was not scared. I know in my heart that my time has not come yet. When it does, there’s nothing I can do about it. Maybe my good karma saved my life today. I don’t know how the universe really works, but I’d like to believe that there’s a reason for everything. That way I feel better about life. Anyway, am I a believer in the unlucky Friday the 13th now? Nah! It’s just a coincidence. What happened simply serves as a reminder that life is very fragile. I’ve always known that, but it doesn’t hurt to be reminded once in awhile.
1/24/12
There’s a lot of talk about the rich versus the poor. It seems that the poor resent the rich more than ever. While I understand this, I think we, as a society, focus on the wrong thing. There were periods in my life when I was very poor. I don’t consider myself rich now, but I have more than enough to survive. So, I think I can speak for both sides here. First, being poor is no fun. As I said somewhere before, there’s no happiness in poverty. When your stomach is empty, you can’t think higher thoughts, or any thoughts other than food, and how to get it. However, when I was poor, I learned that I was not alone. I was part of a community. There were many good people around me who tried to help me. Rich people, poor people, friends, neighbors, strangers…all played a role in making my life bearable. Now that I’m doing well, I try to do the same thing for others. Call it pay-back time. Call it having a sense of community. Call it charity. Whatever you call it, it’s real. It’s called living as a human being. That’s my point. It’s not about the rich or the poor. The question we should ask ourselves everyday is, “Have I helped anyone today?” Rich or poor, we can be helpful to others. We should teach our children to respect each other and to become useful members of society. We should not teach our children hatred, resentment, or selfishness. Being rich or poor by itself is neither a vice nor a virtue. Your financial situation doesn’t define you. Your core values do.
1/31/12
Networking is a big thing nowadays. Everybody talks about it, but does everybody know what it’s about? To some people, networking is about going to a bunch of organized events, meeting a bunch of people, and getting and giving bunch of business cards. The result of this? Wasted time and money. Nobody is going to be impressed by, or even remember, you from a networking event, unless you do something incredibly stupid. Most people get turned off when they sense that you only talk to them because you want something from them.
Actually, networking is not a new concept in a lot of cultures. Where I came from, your family, extended family, friends, and friends’ friends are all part of your network. You take care of the people in your network, and they take care of you when you need help. There’s no awkward introduction or fake enthusiasm. Your network knows who you are and what you are good at. This is what networking is about, in my opinion. It doesn’t have to be family or close friends, but networking is about long-term, two-way relationships. Now, don’t make friends because you think you can get something from them. On the other hand, don’t ignore certain people because you think they have nothing to offer. Be kind and helpful to people, and you won’t regret it. After all, everyone has something to offer, including you. We all need one another at one time or another. Why not take care of each other? Life is easier that way.
2/2/2012
Do you know what turns me off? The phrase “I’m likeable”. When someone tells me that, I’m tempted to tell him or her: “Let me be the judge on that.” Perhaps my disgust toward self-promotion and self-conceit stems from my upbringing. I belong to a family that likes to make fun of others, especially the braggers and the self-promoters. And trust me, there were plenty of those where I came from. Personal history aside, I think the phrase “I’m likeable” makes no sense when said out loud. You may think you are likeable. That’s fine. Most people think the world of themselves. But, why do you say that to someone else? Unless that someone is a robot, he should be able to come to that conclusion, or the opposite of it, himself. You see, liking someone is a feeling. You feel what you feel, and no one but yourself knows that better. I suppose when you tell someone you are likeable, you want to inform him that other people like you. What makes you think that he’ll take your word for it? If he likes you, he’d already deduct that others like you too. Similary, if he doesn’t like you, he’d deduct that others dislike you. Hearing you say that you are likeable only makes him believe otherwise. Do you see how pointless that phrase is? Not only it makes you sound like a pompous jackass, it doesn’t add any value.
2/10/2012
I’ve heard a lot lately about the American dream, and how that dream has become a nightmare. What is the American dream? Mainly to own a house, I suppose. I’m sorry, but that’s just lame. Maybe Americans need to dream better. Why do you have to own a house? I lived most of my adult life in a rented apartment, and I didn’t feel like I missed anything. Now I own a place, and I still feel the same way. I try to live in reality, but when I dream, owning a house is not part of it. What do I dream about? I dream about making a difference, one act of kindness at a time. I dream about living a happy life, and helping others do the same. I dream about all my enemies disappearing into thin air one day (just kidding!). Maybe owning a house is one reason to be happy, but you shouldn’t make it the only reason to be happy. We should all learn to live within our means, to be happy with what we have. This doesn’t mean we don’t have ambitions or goals. This means we should work for what we want instead of going into debt for what we want. None of this is a dream, by the way. It’s simply reality. If you want to dream, dream big. It doesn’t cost you anything (unless you act out your “dreams” and buy yourself things you can’t afford) .
3/1/2012
I was in a class recently, and the teacher asked us to close our eyes and think about all the annoying people in our life. The goal was to accept them, one by one, as they are. I closed my eyes and thought of a few people, but none of them are in my life, not anymore. I realize now how good my life has been! My life has never been that bad, for I always have great friends and family supporting me in times of need. But now I have managed to get rid of all the annoying people in my life (not literally, of course). Someone asked me recently if I missed all the drama I used to have. I told him I’ve had enough drama to last me a lifetime. I’ve never liked drama anyway. I’m a comedy kind of a girl. I don’t know if it’s just luck or something I’ve done that brought me here (drama-free, enemy-free land), but I’m going to enjoy it while it lasts.
3/28/2012
It’s spring-time! What I love most about spring are the flowers. They make winter almost bearable because during those miserable days I dream about the beautiful flowers in the spring, which is around the corner. Unfortunately, flowers don’t last long. They look good for about two weeks. After that, they start to fade and fall down on the ground. I used to feel sad about this, but now I have a different perspective. The short life of flowers makes them more precious. It makes me appreciate them even more. I know they won’t be around for long, so I enjoy that short window of happiness, complete happiness. It’s just like everything else in life. The less of something you have, the more you value that something. Life itself is short. Most people don’t realize that. When/if they do, they start to value it more (and waste less of it). I’m learning to enjoy the now, like the flowers that are blooming now. I’m not too worried about tomorrow. Tomorrow the flowers may be all gone, but I can still enjoy the memory of the beautiful flowers and the happiness they brought me. And, I can always look forward to next spring.
5/18/2012
“With cherry on top” is an interesting phrase. Why cherry and not, say, grape? They are practically the same family. I’ve been pondering about this. I think there are two reasons for this. First, cherry is…cheery. It’s plum, firm, and round. In other words, it looks good. Grape doesn’t look as good. It just doesn’t. It doesn’t cry out “happy” when you look at it. Secondly, cherry is sweet. You can argue that grape is sweet too, depending on the type. See, that’s just the thing. Grape is inconsistent. It can be sweet or sour. Cherry is always sweet. That’s why cherry, not grape, is a symbol of something good. Think about it. Would you say “Please, pretty please, with grape on top”?
9/22/2012
Do you know what is one of the sources of suffering? Hint: “You are my world”. When you think that way, you are in a whole world of hurt. Why? It’s simple. You put all your eggs in one basket, so to speak. I know it sounds awefully unromantic, but emotional assets are just like physical assets. You have to invest them wisely. If you invest all your savings into some venture business, you’d be devastated when the business fails. Similarly, investing all your emotional savings into one person is a moronic move. Besides, it’s not fair to the person. You put a huge burden on him or her. Noboddy, except you, should be responsible for your happiness. What’s so romantic about being an emotional parasite anyway? I find that people who look outside for happiness never find it, since true happiness comes from the inside. The outside, other people and things around you, are only there to add flavors and colors to your happiness. Or, in investment terms, they are helping you diversify your emotional assets. So, diversify away!
8/4/2013
Have you ever felt stressed? Who hasn’t? What stresses you out? It can be a variety of reasons: financial, family, career, school. It doesn’t matter what the reason is, I think I’ve found a way to reduce stress. How? By fixing the root cause of it. If you think about it, the root cause of stress is the thought that you have to be good at everything you do, at least as good as or better than everybody else. Here’s the good news: Everybody else sucks as much as you do, but some are better at hiding it than others. What the heck am I talking about?
Let’s look at an example. You are giving a speech about some technical topic in your field. You are stressed out about it because you don’t know everything about the subject matter, and you are afraid to make a fool of yourself. Let me tell you a secret: Nobody else knows everything about the subject matter either. You’ve done some research on the topic (in preparation for your speech), so you are better off than 90% of your audience. What about the other 10% (smart-asses who always like to show off)? Well, the true is, they don’t know everything either, but they may know something that you don’t. So what? If they ask you a question that you can’t answer, just say you’ll get back to them later. Nobody is going to think you are stupid for not knowing (since they don’t want to think of themselves as stupid either), they just think you are an ordinary human being. So, go ahead and be ordinary. It may not be the most glorious thing in the world, but it keeps you sane.