When the great philosopher, Socrates, was dying of poisoning (his death sentence), his friends and students were standing around his deathbed, waiting for maybe some last words of wisdom from this great thinker. They finally got their wish. He asked one of his students, Crito, to come closer to him and whispered: “Crito, I owe a cock to Asclepius; will you remember to pay the debt?”
I always picture myself as someone who would go out in style. You only die once, so make the best of it. I try to bring joy to people when I’m alive (for the critics, I did say “try”, so don’t jump all over me for being self-conceited). I will try to bring joy when I die, for one last time. I know, just the fact that I’m dead is joyful enough for some people. But I want to do a little more than that. So, I’ve been working on my “famous” last words. I’ll share them here on this page because there’s no reason you have to wait until I die to start enjoying yourself.
“I have the right of way.” (I would say this right before a car hit me as I cross the street.)
“All good things come to an end, and it’s better to end things when they are good.”
“Nobody cares if you are dead right or dead wrong. You are just dead.”
“So long, suckers. And thanks for nothing.”
“I’m going to miss saying ‘you bore me to death’. I guess I have to get used to saying ‘you bore me to life’.”
“I want to get home, wherever that may be. It feels good to be home.”
“Always believe in yourself; nobody else does.”
“Life sucks, but it’s all you’ve got. You don’t have a choice. So, get with the program until your time is up.”
“Whatever risk you take in life, remember that there’s always a way out, with death being the ultimate way out.”
“I’m glad I can finally stop asking ‘What do I want to do with my life?’”
“Wow, I don’t know what to say anymore. I’ve been rambling on for years, and now I run out of things to say.”
“Have you ever heard someone who is on his deathbed regretting that he didn’t save enough money? A man who died and never had a chance to enjoy life has wasted his time on earth.”
“I forgive you for what you did, but I find it harder to forgive you for what you didn’t do.”
“Remember that life is very short. There’s no time for depression. There’s no time for a mid-life crisis. And there’s no time for suing others for making you fat. Do something more constructive with your life.”
“I’m not going to apologize for my success. No one should. If you are jealous, you can kiss my you-know-what.”
“The fun has left the building.”
“So long. It’s no fun being the colorful one among the color blind.”
“All my money is kept in…” [gasp and die]
“I’m dying beyond my means.” (This is an Oscar Wilde quote)